MY BATTLE WITH THE THRONE

A few weeks ago a dear friend recommended that I blog about something funny again…  My response to her was, “Surprisingly, I haven’t done anything really stupid lately that’s page worthy.”  Famous last words.

How does that saying go? Ask and you shall receive…

I had been a little down; the stress of the past week, the overflowing to do list, and the lack of sunshine had me in a funk.  I think there is a clinical term for this, perhaps Seasonal Affective Disorder, otherwise known as SAD.  Yep, pretty sure it had taken up residence in my body.  So instead of wallowing in my lack of Vitamin D, I decided that I would take matters into my own hands and visit a tanning salon.

Not only was I lacking vitamin D on the inside, my outwardly appearance was also suffering…due to the lack of sunlight I also looked like someone had recently rolled me around in a batch of flour that wasn’t washing off.

I waltzed in there with my mind made up that I was getting the full service treatment.   At the desk I requested seven minutes of lying down peacefully with the light and the heat blasting at my body and I would follow it up with a spray tan.  I happily punched in my password with great anticipation of how different I was going to feel within the next half hour.

As they gave me instructions on how to go from one room to the other, they asked if I would like a robe to cross the hall vs having to get redressed.  Sounds perfect!  Before heading into my seven minutes of warmth and silence I thought I should make a pit stop at the little girl’s room.  As I entered the restroom, my mind became preoccupied with the robe I was holding in my hand….Surly they wash these?…They wouldn’t just pass this around from one sweaty person to the next?…Would they?

As my mind was racing out of control…I sat down on the potty and attempted to multitask.  I like to think I am a master at multitasking, the following confirms that I suck at it – as my bladder begins to feel the relief, I start to take out my earrings to throw in my purse.  First one out; success!  Second one; plop…right in the damn toilet!  What the what??? Awww hell…this CAN’T be happening right now!

I got up and stood there staring at the toilet in complete disbelief.  They were my favorite pair! My favorite pair ya’ll!!! I wanted to cry, but then my inner MacGyver kicked in.  This is disgusting, but I am a mom; I have been pooped on, and puked on, and worn smashed peas and carrots for over 24 hours on my clothing because there was no time for a shower with a colicky baby.  I can do this. I WILL save this earring.

They have no monetary value…but they are my favorite.

I can’t remember where I bought them, so I can never replace them…and they are my favorite.

I’ve had them for three years and never lost one (small miracle)…and they are my favorite.

I’m saving my favorites!

I dug through my purse and found a pen that I was less fond of than the earring that was high centered on the throne. I reached in, got a good hook on the earing and in one swift motion launched it out of the toilet and across the room.  I then proceeded to unroll half of the toilet paper to create a nice fluffy barrier between my hand and “my favorite”.  I picked it up.  I know you are half sick right about now, but did I mention they were my FAVORITE??

I dropped the earring in the sink, covered it with foaming soap and let the scalding hot water wash over it for the next five minutes.  As I stood there waiting for the germs and nastiness to be washed away, I discovered that I may have reached my lowest low over a pair of dime store earrings.  But then, I started laughing at myself, as I pulled out fifty paper towels, wrapped the earing up and threw it in a baggie I had in my purse. Mission accomplished!

Not a mission that I had planned on ever facing….but it had been accomplished! In those moments of madness, I discovered that some things, even things as little as cheap pair of earrings, aren’t worth giving up on if you love them enough.   Many times, we give up too soon; right before the finish line and we never know what might have been…we only feel the heartache of what is missing.

The earrings have been soaking in rubbing alcohol on and off for the last 3 days, and you can bet your rear….as gross as it may seem…I WILL wear them again.  If nothing else, they will serve as an excellent reminder that if we want something bad enough, we MUST persevere.

Please don’t judge me…they really were my favorite 🙂

Happy Saturday, may you always persevere!