As I was driving home last night, I realized that I seem to have this amazing ability of learning life lessons in the most awkward ways. It was then that it dawned on me that perhaps I should start compiling these very important lessons and sharing them with the world monthly (or perhaps weekly), so that you, my friends are fully educated and can proactively avoid these happenings!
- This week, in the chaos of running late, around 11 am I paused long enough to realize that I had not had breakfast, was starving, and getting hangry. I began scavenging my desk looking for any morsels of food that I may have…and there it was, a glowing light brown package of maple and brown sugar oatmeal. Score! I was on a mission to the break room in need of a cup, water, and a spoon. So, you know those commercial coffee makers, the fancy ones… that have the options for coffee, whipped coffee, decaf, whipped decaf, and hot water…fortunately and unfortunately, we have one of those. I grabbed a cup, dumped in the oatmeal, proceeded to the machine, pushed the hot water button, retrieved a spoon and stirred. I sat at my desk, with food on my mind and took a giant bite…with a yelp and a sudden urge to spit oatmeal all over my computer monitor…the result was what I am assuming is third degree burns to my tongue. Life lesson: When the button says, “hot water” …it probably really is hot water.
- Shopping carts. I managed to go 37 years without a run in with a shopping cart. In the last 5 months, I’ve backed over two of them. Life lesson: Since some people are apparently lazy and inconsiderate these days, it is important to circle the perimeter of your vehicle prior to driving. Side note: if I see you abandoning a cart in a parking lot, I’m grabbing a hold of it and chasing you with it.
- I was completely transparent last week about post children peeing. This is not a laughing matter folks…Life lesson: The littles got a trampoline for Easter, it is highly recommended that you don’t mount up and think that you are in your tweens again, your body will take days to recover from the attempted front flip, and you will definitely pee a little.
- If you wake up Monday morning, confident that you are going to have an amazing week…get in your car and realize that the gas light is on, along with the low tire pressure light…it is a good indication that you should probably head back into the house and spend the rest of the week in isolation. You can muster up all the positive juju in the world, take deep breaths, and focus on the positive…but if it’s in the cards that week…it’s in the cards. Valuable lessons come from this…but some lessons are better left unlearned.
- Stop panicking, the sewer is not backing up. You gave the dog the left over baked beans from Easter, he’s lying next to the screen door releasing toxic emissions.
- The art of tie dying has greatly improved since Girl Scout camp. Did you know that you don’t need buckets full of assorted colors of dye? That you no longer need to form organized lines as you take turns dunking each corner of cloth into your color of choice? Well, you don’t. They make these little squeeze bottles now, you stay in one place, and squirt away. No walking necessary. No wonder some people are too lazy to put their shopping carts away these days.
- If you want the damn Unicorn Frappuccino, go get it…because if you are hesitant since you could be judged by those in the health and fitness realm, Starbucks will be sold out, and you’ll find yourself in the gas station buying three Snickers.
- Lastly, there is no better way to silence your mind and connect with the earth than walking barefoot through the grass, one of my top ten favorite things to do…until you have recycled dog food between your toes. Life lesson: When walking through life, it’s important to always look up, but equally important to look down. Find the balance.
Have an amazing weekend my friends!