MY INNER MEAN GIRL; A TWO-YEAR-OLD WITH VAMPIRE TENDENCIES

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Not every day is rainbows and unicorns. We all have that little switch that is sometimes just uncontrollable.  If you are gasping right now or thinking…. not me…. I think you might just be lying to yourself 😊 Sorry.

I just wish on the days when the rain has come down so hard that my rainbow has lost all of it’s vibrancy, or the days that I feel like someone has ran over my unicorn…that I could bite people.  Your gasping again aren’t you?  Hang with me, I’m not crazy, a little unstable at times, sure, but not a complete psychopath.  😊

Think about it…. you had a horrible day, more people annoyed you than were kind to you.  They took your toys, ate the last bite of your cookie, robbed your sippy cup, even breathed the wrong way – wouldn’t be a little easier if some days we could just be two-year olds again, still in training on how to properly behave, and just walk up and start randomly biting people that peed in our cheerios? I mean biting is a big deal, but when your two, and it’s your first offence, you get a hand slap, a shaking finger in the face followed by, “Bad girl, that is not nice!”

Admit it…It would be a little fun for just one day, if we could only go back to being two and randomly bite the unkind ones.

For example, I’m at a stoplight the other day and this grouchy, RBF hussie behind me starts laying on the horn when the light was still in transition from red to green… apparently, she thought that I was inconveniencing her by not flooring it, giving my children whiplash, spilling my cherished $4.00 cup of coffee that I so desperately needed, just to get the hell out of her way. At that moment, the mean girl came out…what I wanted to do, but refrained, was to throw the car in park, rip off the seat belt, fling open the door, march back to her car, unleash the inner vampire, then calmly head back to my car and proceed through the green light.  It’s not socially acceptable for me to march back there at thirty-eight and bite her on the arm…. but if I was two…. chomp, chomp!

Or when it’s midnight, the house is sleeping, you are suffering from the beginning stages of hot flashes and insomnia and all you can think about is plopping down in front of the TV with a tub of peanut butter and chocolate ice-cream and drowning your sorrows.  You waltz to the freezer door, so light on your feet, heart full of anticipation and wanting, and stomach aching for goodness… only to realize that someone had left about a half of a spoonful in the carton – not even enough to generate saliva…. you immediately want to wake everyone in the house and start chewing one by one until someone confesses!

Or how about when I’m in the grocery store with the Littles…. It should be quite apparent to the woman who was staring me down and shaking her head at me they were perfect angels in the car prior to entering the store when they decided to act like feral children…. OR I WOULD HAVE NEVER BROUGHT THEM IN!!  I wanted her sympathy and understanding, I wanted her to SEE ME, that I was having one of those days.  The kind thing to do would have been for her to toss me a reassuring smile and eyes that said, “You got this Mama.” Instead, in reaction to her disgusted looks, she made me want to bite her.

Or the day that a man randomly flipped me off the other day, he either thought I was someone else or he was having a day where he wanted to bite someone, but instead, he resorted to the middle finger.  Most people would get angry at his inappropriate gesture…He made me smile.  I could totally relate.  I gave him a pass, a warm smile, a heartfelt wave, and I prayed that his day would turn around. I hoped he would end his day in his favorite chair, with a cold beverage in hand and not behind bars for pulling a Mike Tyson.

To our inner two-year-old…biting is definitely not socially acceptable, so sadly we must refrain.  However, we need to embrace the fact that not all of us are perfect, not every day is rainbows and unicorns, some days just the thought of giving someone the old chomp, chomp can make you smile and turn that yucky old day around!

Today, I give you permission…envision the bite and smile 😊

 

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